Navigating Toxic Positivity and Spiritual Bypassing for Overall Well-Being
As humans, we often find coping mechanisms that help us deal with the challenges we encounter in our lives. However, some individuals may draw on unhealthy mechanisms and discourses. Thanks to social media, we find these types of discourses on a daily basis. Toxic positivity is one of the most notorious nowadays, with phrases like “Just think positive,” “Failure is not an option,” and “Happy thoughts only” invading digital content. There has been a growing concern over the past few years since this positivity may minimize one’s emotional experience [1], bringing consequences like emotional repression, in this article, we will delve into toxic positivity, spiritual bypassing, their meaning, how to detect them, their causes and consequences, and healthier alternatives to cope with pain. Keep reading to find out more!
What is toxic positivity?
According to researchers, toxic positivity can be defined as “the overgeneralization of a positive state of mind that encourages using positivity to suppress and displace any acknowledgment of stress and negativity” [1]. Others define it as “discourse imbued with an overly exaggerated positive outlook on the world. Once individuals have self-appropriated this type of discourse, it may become internalized and its use considered acceptable within a certain milieu” [2].
In sum, people engage in toxic positivity when they internalize the idea that encouraging positive thoughts and suppressing negative ones is enough to avoid pain and suffering. This type of idea can bring negative consequences to oneself. However, one can also share this discourse with others, minimizing their pain and emotions. Toxic positivity is sometimes so similar to regular positivity that one may have this thinking pattern without realizing it. We may examine one’s thoughts and behavior to identify unhealthy coping mechanisms.
When positivity become toxic:
Positivity itself is not necessarily “toxic” or unhealthy. It is toxic when it suppresses or invalidates emotions that are considered negative. Here we analyze some traits of toxic positivity, according to the book Toxic Positivity: Keeping It Real in a World Obsessed with Being Happy by Whitney Goodman [3].
When someone is looking for support, validation, or compassion and instead is met with a platitude.
Let’s say someone is talking to you about a problem they have. They may need your support, or advice on how to solve their problem, or they simply want to be listened to vent. However, saying phrases like “what does not kill you, makes you stronger” or “forgive and forget” may not necessarily help them deal with this problem.
When used to shame people.
We may be toxic when we shame people into feeling like they're not doing enough, working hard enough, or that their difficult emotions are invalid. For instance, saying: “Failure is just a mindset; you're not trying hard enough if you think it's a real setback,” or "Real winners never complain; they just keep pushing through with a smile on their faces.”
When we shame ourselves for not being happy enough or positive enough.
We can be toxic even to ourselves when we invalidate our emotions and force a positive mindset: “If I were stronger, I wouldn't let negative emotions impact me. I need to toughen up and be more positive.”
When it denies our reality.
Sometimes, we may encounter challenges that are very hard to deal with and cause a lot of distress. Simply “thinking positive” may not be the answer. However, we can receive advice like “Your pain is all in your head. Change your mindset, and everything will be fine,” or “Failure only exists if you acknowledge it. Keep pushing positive thoughts, and success will follow."
When used to gaslight or silence someone who has legitimate concerns or questions.
Toxic positivity invalidates people’s concerns. Saying things like: "Why are you so negative all the time? Can't you just be grateful for what you have?" or "Stop being so sensitive. Realistically, there's no reason for you to feel this way" is not helpful, but it is also very harmful. “Don’t worry, it’s not a big deal,” or “just think about how much worse other people have it” are phrases people often say to try to reduce someone’s pain, but they ignore the problem instead of dealing with it.
When it is used to tell people everything bad in their life is their fault.
Phrases like "You create your reality, so if you're feeling down, it's your own fault” are not helpful and often false. Sometimes we encounter challenges and situations that are out of our control. Blaming people for the problems they can’t solve, even if it is actually their fault, is unhealthy and does not help them solve anything.
What is Spiritual Bypassing?
Spiritual bypassing was coined by psychologist and Buddhist teacher John Welwood in the 1980s. He defined it as “spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep personal, emotional ‘unfinished business,’ to shore up a shaky sense of self, or to belittle basic needs, feelings, and developmental tasks.” [4] Simply put, spiritual bypassing is the tendency to use spiritual beliefs or practices to avoid dealing with difficult emotions or problems. It's basically using spirituality as an excuse to sidestep personal growth and emotional healing, which is very similar to toxic positivity. Spiritual bypassing is a type of avoidance mechanism. People use spiritual ideas or practices as a shield to avoid confronting unresolved issues, painful emotions, or past traumas. For example, one can use meditation or prayer to escape difficult emotions, minimize someone's pain by saying: "Everything happens for a reason," or use spirituality as an excuse to avoid taking responsibility for your actions. Spirituality itself is not a bad thing. On the contrary, it can positively impact people's lives when correctly channeled. The problem comes when it is used to avoid dealing with real-life issues.
Signs and Examples of Spiritual Bypassing:
Similarly to toxic positivity, spiritual bypassing focuses only on positivity while ignoring and repressing any thoughts perceived as “negative.” For example, ideas like "Just think positive thoughts, and your problems will disappear. Negativity only attracts more negativity” are part of spiritual bypassing.
Detachment from feelings.
Spiritual bypassing involves suppressing emotions under the belief that they are "negative” or thinking that some spiritual practices can magically make them disappear. For instance, thoughts like “I shouldn't feel angry or sad; I'll just meditate and let those emotions pass without acknowledging them.”
Intellectualizing spirituality.
Spiritual bypassing uses spiritual concepts as a way to distance oneself from emotional experiences, instead of truly engaging with them on a personal and emotional level. For example, thinking that reading a book about Mindfulness is enough to solve your problems.
Avoidance of conflict.
Individuals may choose to bypass or ignore real-world problems or conflicts by adopting a stance of non-attachment or transcendence. For example, when they find confrontation, they may respond with phrases like “I don’t engage in discussions. It's all an illusion. I surround myself only with positive vibes and harmony.”
Judgment and blame.
One may blame individuals for their suffering or challenges based on spiritual beliefs, implying that they are not spiritually evolved enough. It’s similar to gaslighting or invalidating people’s feelings with toxic positivity, but the emphasis is on spiritual development or enlightenment. For instance, advising people with phrases like “If you're suffering, it's because you're not spiritually evolved enough. Work on your consciousness, and you'll find true happiness."
Rigid belief systems.
People can hold onto spirituality to create a sense of security and avoid facing the complexity of human experiences. Beliefs like "My spiritual path is the only correct one. Those who follow different practices or beliefs are simply not on the right path to enlightenment” are expressions of spiritual bypassing.
Constant daydreaming.
Some spiritual people may bypass problems by living in a spiritual realm much of the time. Simply put, they are not focusing on the here are now: they spend significant amounts of time daydreaming about utopian or idealized scenarios, avoiding mundane life, and neglecting responsibilities. For example, they may internalize discourses like the following: "I've decided to let go of mundane concerns and focus on my spiritual journey. I won't waste my energy on trivial matters. Responsibilities are just distractions from my higher purpose, and I trust that everything will work out without my direct involvement."
Causes of Spiritual Bypassing:
Defense mechanism.
Spiritual bypassing is often a defense mechanism or a way to escape or avoid uncomfortable and challenging emotions. Individuals may rely on spiritual bypassing when they feel a problem is too overwhelming to deal with directly. A participant in a study on spiritual bypassing said “Trying to escape from reality, I found an escape route within spirituality, a way to flee my mundane life which appeared meaningless.” [5]
Cultural influence.
Culture can play a huge role in encouraging spiritual bypassing. For example, in wellness culture, the pressure for constant positivity and the idea that negativity is incompatible with well-being can lead people to use spirituality to suppress negative emotions. Besides, in our individualistic culture, there is an emphasis on self-reliance and individual responsibility for happiness. This thinking can make people feel they need to fix themselves spiritually to avoid problems, rather than addressing external factors that contribute to their struggles [6].
Misinterpretation of spiritual teachings.
In the digital era, we have access to immeasurable amounts of information from all times and places. It is easy for people to get in contact with numerous spiritual teachings and philosophies. However, misinterpreting these teachings and a lack of critical thinking can lead individuals to believe they should always remain in a state of bliss or detachment. This misinterpretation can contribute to the avoidance of genuine emotional experiences.
External validation.
Individuals may feel the need to project an image of constant positivity and spiritual superiority to gain approval and acceptance from others.
Why are Toxic Positivity and Spiritual Bypassing Harmful
These two coping mechanisms make us ignore and avoid problems instead of dealing with them. It is well known that suppressing emotions brings negative consequences, including physical and emotional problems. It increases stress, brings higher risks of heart disease and hypertension, and makes us more likely to experience anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues [7]. And if that wasn’t enough, a study on spiritual bypassing found some consequences associated with this avoidance mechanism [5], including stagnation or regression resulting from hyper-focusing on spirituality, not being able to earn enough money to help at home and fulfill responsibilities, depression and anxiety, disconnection with oneself and others, and loss of self-love.
Healthier Alternatives to Foster a Positive Mindset and Cope with Pain:
Use meditation correctly.
Meditation has numerous mental and physical benefits [8]. It can be a healthy way to find inner peace and deal with pain if it is used correctly. The goal is not to ignore or suppress thoughts, but to understand them. Use meditation as a path to self-knowledge and understanding and to become aware of thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.
Practice self-compassion.
Understand that you can make mistakes and recognize that it's okay to experience pain and difficulty.
Find emotional outlets.
If a problem is too hard to deal with, try finding a way to channel those emotions. Art, music, writing, talking to a friend, and even mind-body practices like yoga or tai-chi. They may not solve your problems, but you will feel so much better.
Holistic self-care.
Prioritize your well-being. Make sure you have adequate sleep, regular exercise, and a balanced diet. Consider that physical well-being plays a significant role in mental and emotional health.
Seek professional support.
If necessary, you can always seek professional support, such as a therapist or a counselor. They can provide guidance and strategies to cope with emotional pain and foster a positive mindset.
Community and social connections.
Find reliance on your community and social groups. It can alleviate the feeling of isolation and create a sense of belonging.
Set realistic goals.
You can’t solve all the problems in the world, but there are many things you can do to solve yours. Remember to celebrate small victories and recognize that progress often involves taking gradual steps forward.
Final Thoughts
Toxic positivity and spiritual bypass are a group of tendencies, avoidance mechanisms, thinking patterns, and behaviors that seek to suppress negative thoughts and emotions and emphasize positive ones. Superficially, they may look healthy and optimistic, but in the end, they disregard emotions and struggle, which are part of our psychology. Ignoring problems instead of dealing with them hinders our personal growth. Positivity and personal growth are not something you can force; they come with inner work, patience, and discipline. Firstly, recognizing and addressing toxic positivity and spiritual bypassing is a crucial step toward fostering genuine well-being and personal growth. In a world where toxic positivity is a growing concern, it becomes increasingly important to approach positivity and spirituality with discernment and self-awareness. Ultimately, the pursuit of a positive mindset should not involve the denial of genuine emotions and struggles. Rather, it should encourage an authentic exploration of our experiences, fostering resilience, connection, and a deeper understanding of ourselves. By choosing a path that acknowledges and appraises both the light and shadow aspects of our humanity, we pave the way for true personal growth.
Citations
Upadhyay, I. S., Srivatsa, K. A., & Mamidi, R. (2022). Towards toxic positivity detection. Proceedings of the Tenth International Workshop on Natural Language Processing for Social Media. https://doi.org/10.18653/v1/2022.socialnlp-1.7
Lecompte-Van Poucke, M. (2022). ‘you got this!’: A critical discourse analysis of toxic positivity as a discursive construct on Facebook. Applied Corpus Linguistics, 2(1), 100015. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.acorp.2022.100015
Goodman, W. (2022). Toxic positivity: Keeping it real in a world obsessed with being happy. Orion Spring.
Raab, D. (2019, January 23). What is spiritual bypassing? Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-empowerment-diary/201901/what-is-spiritual-bypassing
Picciotto, G., Fox, J., & Neto, F. (2017). A phenomenology of spiritual bypass: Causes, consequences, and implications. Journal of Spirituality in Mental Health, 20(4), 333–354. https://doi.org/10.1080/19349637.2017.1417756
Cherry, K. (2023, March 17). Spiritual bypassing as a defense mechanism. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-spiritual-bypassing-5081640
Cullen, K. (2022, December 23). Suppressing emotions can harm you-Here’s what to do instead. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-truth-about-exercise-addiction/202212/suppressing-emotions-can-harm-you-heres-what-to-do
Akbari, M., & Hossaini, S. M. (2018). The Relationship of Spiritual Health with Quality of Life, Mental Health, and Burnout: The Mediating Role of Emotional Regulation. Iranian journal of psychiatry, 13(1), 22–31.